Forever
by jasperroxmysocks
Summary: Bella gets changed, but there are... complications. Read to find out. Rated T because I'm not really totally sure where I'm going with this... And so i don't have to for every chapter, I don't own anything that sounds like it came from the books.
1. Chapter 1

The topaz eyes staring down at me were filled with pain. Torturous pain. That paled in comparison to what I was about to experience. Three days of agony. I already knew what it would be like, though- the only good thing my attack last year did was to prepare me for this day that I have been waiting for, ever since I found out what they really were.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" His voice begged me to change my mind, to wait. I closed my eyes, knowing that he would use any means he could to lead me away from my dream, to keep me the way that I am now. I wouldn't- I _couldn't_ let him do that, though. I needed this- we needed this.

My answer was confident, immediate, final. "Yes." There was no way I would let him persuade me any differently.

I could feel him lower his head, until his bared teeth were an inch from my exposed, and very pale, neck. A moment's hesitation, a heavy sigh. Then those teeth were plunged into my skin, shattering every ounce of confidence I had gathered. The fire quickly spreading from the wound was hell- the beginning of my personal, three day hell. Through the pain, I was aware of four more bites- on both of my wrists, both of my ankles, but I couldn't quite recall why they were there. I looked up, and saw him there, watching me. I was about to thank him, when everything went black. As black as the eyes that had been staring down at me…

I was pulled back to earth by a scream. I didn't know whose it was, but it seemed to bounce around in my head, producing the worst headache I remember ever having. Another scream pierced my ears, making it even worse. The fire was coursing through my veins, pushing me head first into the pain. I barely felt someone moving me, was barely aware of the cold arms encompassing me, could barely hear the angel's voice that was mumbling incoherent words into my ear. A third scream- or was it forth- reverberated around my head.

Only three days of this, though, right? Then forever. Forever...

**A/N: yea, i kno. its really short. but the next will be longer, i promise. reviews, please! this is my first fanfic, any help is good. **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

**A/N: yea, I'm not writing anymore about her transformation. It was painful and 3 days. What more do you need to know? I'm starting again at ****the very end. Oh- to Jasper's number one fan****-**** yeah, it was Bella screaming**

After what seemed like years, this torture finally started to cease. I could hear everything around me- someone getting up, out of their chair, the person holding me whispering in my ear, though I still couldn't understand quite what they were saying. Above me, someone was yelling, but they didn't sound mad. Their voice was calm, but they were yelling. It was like someone had turned up the volume to high.

The pain was slowly weaning away, and I became more and more aware of my surroundings. There was someone under my back, holding my head, and someone else under my legs. I could only guess that there were sitting under me on a bed, or a couch, but as my eyes were resistant to my attempts at opening them, I couldn't be sure.

Finally, after some cursing, some pleading, and some sweet talking, my eyes opened to see the ceiling. A plain, off white ceiling. Except for the fact that I could see every brush stroke around the molding, every miniscule line the rollers left behind. I must have been extremely close to it, I mean, how else could I see that?

I slowly shifted my gaze from the intriguing source of my confusion, and found myself staring straight into a pair of topaz eyes, practically bursting with..._ love_? I knew that I had seen them before, but I couldn't remember when or where. I racked my brain, knowing that it was important to remember this, but came up short. Where would I have seen them, though? I just woke up from hell. Unless he was there, I must be wrong.

So as the topaz eyes watched me, I looked around. Three other people were in the room- a very handsome man, who looked to be around 30, with blond hair, who had his arm around a beautiful woman with light brown hair, and a kind look in her eyes. They were both watching me, looking almost proud, as was the girl holding my legs. She had short, black hair, and from my perspective, looked to be not much more than five feet tall. She looked positively euphoric, and was bouncing in her seat. We were, in fact, sitting on a couch, in huge, very bright room.

"Bella? How are you feeling?" Figuring they couldn't be talking to me, I didn't answer. I had never heard of a 'Bella'. That wasn't my name. But… if that wasn't, then what _was_? I couldn't remember ever having a name. You don't need one in hell. Still slightly upset over my realization, I looked around the room, trying to figure out who Bella was. They were all still watching me, though, with slightly bewildered expressions.

"Bella?" The blonde man was talking, so I looked him. Hopefully, his gaze would clue me in as to who Bella was. He was looking back at me, though. "You just woke up from your transformation." His voice had a very calm, medical edge to it. I listened, interested. If he was talking to me, I might as well listen. He seemed to know what was going on. I stared at him with uncomprehending eyes, however, as I had no idea what he was talking about. "Can you hear me?" He now sounded worried, so I nodded, telling him I could. At that he looked relived, and, though I expected him to continue, looked instead at the man holding me.

Avoiding the eyes that I knew would pull me in, I looked over the rest of him. His hair, which was a bronze color, was unruly, his perfect lips were pulled down into a frown. His entire face looked perfect, actually. And through our thin clothes, I could feel well defined muscles all down his body. Through all of the confusion, I couldn't help but appreciate how handsome he was. He reminded me of an angel, and that confused me further. Did I leave hell and go to heaven? But before I could ponder that any more, the angel spoke.

"Bella? Love, why aren't you talking?" My blank stare seemed to tell him something, and I could almost see a light go on in his eyes. "Do you know who we are?"

I figured now would be as good a time as any to test out my vocal cords, and was pleasantly surprised as the beauty of my voice. "No, I don't. I don't who you are, I don't know why I'm here- all I know is that I was in hell, but now I'm here. Where is 'here', but the way? And would you mind telling me who you all are?"

A look of pain crossed the angel's face, and I felt horrible for causing it. But what else could I have done? I really wanted to know who they were.

The blonde man was the first to answer me. "I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he paused, maybe to see if I remembered anything. But that name was foreign to me. Sensing my ignorance, he continued, "and this is my wife, Esme. That is Alice," He pointed to the black haired girl holding my legs, "and Edward." Carlisle told me, indicating to the man holding my head. I finally allowed myself one more look into his eyes, and was surprised to see love, betrayal, fear, and confusion. How could this man I had never seen before feel all those things about me? Carlisle continued slowly, as though he was talking to a very young child, "Edward is your finance."

I couldn't help the shock that spread across my face. I was going to marry an angel? The second my face changed, however, his almost crumpled in pain. He looked like he should be crying, but he wasn't. He slowly slid out from under me, and gently placed my head on pillow. He practically ran to the door, but stopped before opening it, and said, to no one, "Yes." At this, Esme relaxed considerably. He then pulled the door open and left, and before it could swing closed, I could see him sprinted towards the woods.

I knew that his leaving, that everyone's misery was my fault, but I couldn't see how I caused it, or how I could have done any differently. But Carlisle sat down next to my head, and I sat up.

"Bella, you don't remember anything besides the pain?" I shook my head. "You moved to Forks to live with Charlie, your father, because your mother, Renee, remarried. You met Edward at school, and eventually became friends with him. Well, more than friends. We were at a baseball game last year, when we ran into another coven on vampires, an-" He stopped at my alarmed expression.

"Vampires?" I asked fearfully. What did vampires have to do with anything?

"Yes, vampires. We are vampires, and the pain that you remember was your transformation. You are a vampire now." Esme answered gently. She came and sat down next to me. She reached for my hand kindly, and I responded. The second she touched my hand, however, everything went black.

**A/N: yea, I know, you probably all hate me right now. But oh well. :D Well, this one's a lot longer, huh? And I'll have the next chapter up the second I finish writing it! Review, please! **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**A/N: Hmm, well there's not much for me to say. You'll see what's up with the black.**

As the black started fading, I found that I was standing on a cliff, looking over the ocean. It was a beautiful day, the orange sun just getting ready to set, leaving the rest of the sky striped with oranges, yellows, reds, and some blue.

I had no idea how I had gotten here, as I could just remember being with the Cullens. Sitting in that room… It was like that was a dream- it was slowly slipping from my memory. No! This couldn't happen! I needed to get back there, I needed to find the angel, I needed to apologize.

Suddenly, I was striding forward, towards the cliff. I wasn't moving my legs, though. I screamed at myself to stop, but my legs wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't even close eyes- I was staring straight into in setting sun, my legs carrying me to my doom. And then there was nothing below me. I fell, and felt my mouth move, I heard myself say "I'll see you soon," though that, like my walking, I had no control over. I looked down, and saw the rocks coming towards me alarmingly quickly. The jagged edges would puncture me the second I hit them, and I knew that I would die. But the second before was crushed into the razor edges of the boulders, everything disappeared. I was back in the black. Nothing but black.

The black gave way to a scene again, but this time it was jerked from me, it didn't slowly fade. I found myself back on the couch, looking at the concerned faces of Esme, Carlisle, and Alice.

"Bella? What happened? Are you okay? When I took your hand, you just fell into the back of the couch, like you had fainted." Esme sounded scared, and I felt horrible for, once again, causing her pain.

"I- I think I am. I was sitting here talking to you, and then you took my hand, that's when everything went black. It kind of faded, and I was standing on cliff, at sunset. It was a beautiful sunset, and I was thinking about how I had to get back to here, but the memory was fading, almost like a dream, you know, how it fades in the morning? But then I started walking forward, I couldn't stop it, or control it- I was just walking forward, until I fell off the cliff, I whispered "I'll see you soon", which I couldn't control either, but th-" I cut off, seeing the look of incredulity on Esme's face. "Esme? Are you alright?"

"You can see memories, Bella, when you touch people." She had a distant look in her eye. "That was the day I tried to kill myself. Everything was exactly like you said. It was a beautiful sunset. And I told my daughter that I would see her soon." Her face held untold pain, as she thought about her old life. "But now I have Carlisle, and my children, which is a trade I would take any day" she added, trying to lighten the mood, seeing as Carlisle had started looked very guilty.

"If I can see memories, then, then maybe I could see your memories from when I moved here? Everything you've been telling me, I want to see it. I need to." I pleaded. If they let me, then I could understand how I hurt the angel, why he ran away.

"Of course, Bella. Why don't we see if you can sort through memories, to find a certain one, not just watch all of them. When you touch my hand, see if you can find a memory from here, in Forks." Carlisle's methodical voice inspired me, and I truly believed that I could. I reached for his outstretched hand, this time expecting, almost welcoming the black.

I was suddenly thrust into a dark alley, chasing a dark shape. I was holding a torch, and could hear shouts of men behind me, though I didn't look at them. No. No, this wasn't what I wanted. I made an effort to pull away from the memory, and, surprisingly, it worked. I was once again surrounded by black, but this time I could see what appeared to be a book in front of me. Curious, I reached and opened it, and saw the beginning of the scene I had just witnessed. I turned the page, and saw hundreds of memories, until I saw one that I was in. I saw the angel's face, and instinctively reached out to stroke it. The second I touched the page, however, my entire body was pulled into it.

I watched this memory, and when it was over, pulled myself out, and watched another, and another, until I understood some about my situation. I then pulled my hand from him, and found I was already leaning against the couch.

"Oh," was all I could think of to say. I needed some time to think this over, to try and understand what I just saw. Telling them this, Alice directed me upstairs, and told me to go into the room she told me was ours, mine and Edward's. It didn't occur to me that since he probably hated me now, and if he came back, wouldn't be too pleased to find me here. I walked in, and being so wrapped up in my thoughts, didn't even notice what was around me. All I saw was the couch, and so I walked over and sat down on it, preparing myself for the onslaught of images I knew would be coming.

From what Carlisle had seen, and what he remembers Edward telling him, we had met in biology, and he had hated me at first, seeing as I had the blood that he could barely resist. But he managed to overcome it, and we became close. I saw the first day I went to their house, I saw my birthday party, and I saw us coming back from Volterra with Alice. I hadn't watched long enough to see my transformation, as I had begun to get very exhausted, and I could always watch later. I still wasn't totally sure what my relationship with Edward was, but I knew that any memories from him would answer that question. If he was coming back.

I would understand if he didn't. I had learned that we were engaged, that we were set to be married in a week. If he was the one who woke up without any memories, well, I don't know what I would have done. I had, of course, felt guilty for making him leave, but I had either been too oblivious to our relationship, or too curious about my gift, to really feel anything else. But as I sat there, my guilt, my exhaustion, my excitement, it was all drowned out by a wave of pain. Not the kind from the transformation, not that fire in my veins, but a different pain, one centered in my chest, constricting my heart. I may not remember anything, but I now understood. I understood what he meant to me, what we had gone through, how much I loved him. And I understood that he wasn't coming back.

I realized that I was sobbing broken, tearless sobs. Wait. Tearless? Why couldn't I cry? That just made me sob harder, and soon my entire body was shaking, my head in my hands.

I faintly heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like the door opening, but didn't register it.

"Bella," came a velvet voice, and I recognized it instantly as Edward. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking, I just- I just needed some time. Please, can you forgive me?"

I looked up at him, took in his tortured expression, and regretted my little tantrum. I stood up shakily, still weak from the transformation, and meant to walk slowly towards him, to let him know that it was alright, that he was forgiven, but my legs didn't want to work. I attempted to take a step, but suddenly the ground was coming up to meet me. I shut my eyes and prepared myself for impact, but, instead of flat on the floor, found myself held up by a pair of arms. I lifted my head and meet his gaze, recognizing a little amusement peeking out from under the anguish. If this was a way to make him happy, I would trip every day. Just to see that love that had joined the amusement.

Seeing as I was already here, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and pulled him to me as tightly as I could. He tensed for a second, but then returned the favor, and while encircling my back with his arms, rested his chin on my head.

"Bella, I missed you so much. But I couldn't sit there, knowing that you didn't know who I was, knowing that you didn't remember anything, and I'm sorry, I truly am. Please, will you forgive me for running away like that?" His voice was pleading, exposing the pain that he felt.

"Of course, Edward. I- I don't know what I would have done in your place, but it probably wouldn't have been quite so… peaceful."

His eyes were now filled with love, and he reached up to stroke my face. I could only enjoy a second of his loving touch before everything went black.

**A/N: ****Well, you all know what's going to happen now. Just in case you were wondering, w****hen she's in Esme's memories, she can't control anything she's doing, except thinking. So ****everything she does is what Esme did, everything she sees is what Esme saw, etc.**** And I don't know what memories she ****watched from Carlisle. Use your imagination.****The point is that she understands what happened.**


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